What do you care?

I just don’t understand why people are opposed to gays and lesbians serving openly in the military.  They say it can be “prejudicial to good order and discipline”. Really?  I have an opinion on this matter from a couple of different angles.

The first is that my husband was in a career field that was undermanned and overtasked for his last several years of active duty. Folks are leaving their families on a more frequent basis for longer periods of time and it is wearing on them.  And when they get back home, there is no “relief” from the workload because so many folks from home station are deployed and the work still has to get done.  So on that note, I say the more skilled, dedicated volunteers the military can have to serve, the better.  Does someone’s sexual orientation matter when they can safely contain an explosive device in the AOR and reduce the risk of death or injury to their fellow service members? I think not.

The second is that I really don’t care what other people do in their bedrooms.  I don’t care if you are a heterosexual couple that has sex 5 times a day with every toy and gadget known to man. I don’t care if you are a homosexual couple who never has sex.  I just don’t care.  That relationship and the boundaries involved is between those two people and it’s none of my business unless someone is being hurt or abused.  If you think being gay is wrong or immoral then don’t be gay.

The only question I will ask is this…why is it “wrong” for a committed, monogomous gay couple to be intimate but it’s not “wrong” or immoral for  heterosexuals to be married 2,3, sometimes 4 times?  So many people talk about how recognizing gay couples is offensive to the institution of marriage.  I think there are several things done by heterosexual couples that could be added to that list of “offensive” items.  But I digress….

During my time in the military, I was fortunate enough to work with several individuals who made my “gaydar” ping.  They were productive, easy to work with, professional….they participated in unit events, they worked late when necessary and did an exceptional job.  Not to mention that most of “those people” were even pleasant to work with. They did not come in from a long night out partying at the “gay” bar tired and not able to work. They didn’t come in talking about all sorts of drama with their myriad of love interests.  That was all of my young, single Airmen!

So you think that they might start behaving that way if they are allowed to serve openly?  If we don’t want to hear about the private life of our gay military members, can you tell those who come in to work announcing all of the latest details about their failing marriage and those professing their faith to others that they need to be quiet too?  I’m just sayin’.

So what is everyone all scared about?  What’s wrong with repealing the DADT policy?  Part of the beauty of an all volunteer force in our country is that we can ALL come together to fight for and defend our freedoms. The freedoms that allow us and encourage us to be who we are.  That great melting pot know as America. Don’t you see that even though some may think they have NOTHING in common with the gay soldier beside them, they really do have something….love of their country.

And if, in your argument against gays serving openly in the military, you want to quote various verses of the Bible, then how about this one?  Levitucus 19:17-18

A Little Peace and Quiet

At first I thought my older kids had lost their minds.  I thought that they would quickly change their minds because they didn’t know how good they had it.  But it seems I am the one who has learned a few lessons.

See, it all started with Jackie (my 11 year old) being selected as a Safety Patrol at the beginning of the school year. She was assigned as a patrol on the bus. But she only rode the bus in the afternoons, so that’s when she was able to do her thing.  Throughout the year she has mentioned riding the bus in the mornings…I know it was because she wanted to be able to do her “gig” more frequently.  I just chuckled at the rule-follower stereotypical oldest child and honestly, kind of ignored her request. After all, Katey LOVES her sleep and would not want to get up and dressed a full half hour earlier just to ride the bus on a chilly and possibly cold Northern Virginia morning.  And I wouldn’t force her to just to satisfy her sister’s desire to patrol.

But then one day, a couple of weeks ago, they BOTH came to me requesting to be woken up early to ride the bus. I know it may seem a moot point now, but long story short, older sister had talked younger sister into the morning bus ride because one of her friends (who she doesn’t get to see at school) rides the bus.  Aaaahhhhh…..the power of the persuasive older sister.  So I let them. The first morning it was not only cold, but it was rainy.  After sending them off, I turned from the door with a smug grin on my face just knowing that their tune would change in short order.

Boy, was I wrong!  Here we are, a few weeks in to our new adventure and they are still going strong.  They will pick up the pace and get out of bed earlier, just to make sure they don’t miss the bus. They have figured out which combination of coats, hats and gloves keep them the most comfortable for the few moments they wait on the bus.  There are no signs of them changing  their plans.

And I’m okay with that.  I have very quickly realized that I like the few moments of quiet I get in the morning after the big girls leave and before Izzy wakes up. I am able to have a cup of coffee, start a load of clothes, do a quick check of the weather and news (and I must confess my Facebook page), maybe even get dressed for the activity of the day.

And I have learned a lesson.  Maybe, when it’s not a big issue like riding the bus, I should listen to my kids and let them make decisions for themselves. Maybe I should let them lead on occasion and not push ideas of what I think is best  on them.  After all, this bus riding thing has worked out well for ALL of us and it was their idea.

So much for resolutions….

I usually don’t make New Year’s resolutions because I think of it as setting myself up for failure.  If I’m going to do something, then I should do it for the sake of doing it. Not because of a particular day on the calendar.

So I don’t set resolutions so much as goals. Some may argue that they are the same thing with different titles.  But I think it’s all a matter of perspective.  To me, a goal, indicates that I want to keep moving forward. I don’t want to sit still. I want to take one step closer to a better version of myself. One year I may decide to run a marathon. Another year I may choose to learn a new skill…such as tap dancing or baking.

One of my goals for 2010 is that I want to make sure I blog more often. Not because I think other people read it and I have so much to say to them. But because it is a way for me to work through thoughts.  A way for me to get things down on “paper” and think through them.  Last year was so chaotic and hectic, that I have found several things in which I find my sanity. Nothing huge or extravagent…but little things and simple things at that…running, baking, writing down my thoughts and some sort of needlework.  With the girls, I have found that I do not have time to do all of those things consistently. There are not enough hours in the day to allow me to take care of them and my home AND to do all of this fun stuff. So I usually have one project at a time.  Except for the running.  That is always there, regardless of whatever else I am doing. It has to be….otherwise I feel all out of sorts and frustrated.

So, here I am.  16 days in to the new year.  This is my first blog. I still have time to reach my goal for the year, so I’m not beating myself up about taking 2 weeks to get started on one of my goals for this year. Other goals for this year involve finishing several sewing projects I already have the supplies for, running more miles than I did last year and possibly taking a course or two in school.  What courses those will be, I can’t decide.  But at least I plan to keep moving forward. Putting one foot in front of the other to try to always grow.

Conversations….

Many of our parents grew up in a time when there were two things….maybe three depending on the family….that were never discussed….politics and religion.  It was not considered appropriate to bring up topics that could cause disagreement. And many people I know, still feel this way.  We should just “be nice” to each other.  We should not do anything to upset anyone else.  If we invite someone in to our home for dinner, we should keep our elbows off the table, say grace before the meal and keep to strictly “safe” topics….like the weather or what is on sale at the local grocery store. I can understand why folks feel that way, but I have to disagree.  Strongly.

I think we SHOULD have those conversations with people.  I think we should ask those at our dinner table how they feel about  healthcare and energy resources in our country. We should ask our friends what they think about North Korea and how we should react. Of course, in order for this to happen there have to be some ground rules.  First, we should treat each other with respect.  No yelling. No name calling.  We should also truly LISTEN to each other.  And I mean really listen.  Try to understand why the person across the table from you has a different view on a topic than you do.  And lastly, we should remain friends after any heated conversations occur.  No harm, no foul.

Many times, when I form an opinion about a topic, I only know my side and my view. A view that is often skewed by my life experiences.  It doesn’t make me a bad person, it’s just that I only know what I know.  It is often hard for me to see the topic from the other side.  And other folks are the same way. We all have different life experiences and that is what leads us to most of our beliefs on religion and politics.

So we need to have these conversations. If we talk about our differing views on important topics such as the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, healthcare, the bailouts….if I listen to your views and you listen to mine. Maybe, just maybe, we can meet….somewhere in the middle.  Maybe you can start to understand why I may be against a policy that you support.  Maybe I can understand why you feel the way you do about a government program. 

These conversations aren’t arguments. They aren’t fights.  They aren’t drama.  They are good healthy discussions of the things that are important to us as citizens of our country and residents on planet Earth.

And if we understand each other, then we might be more likely to step away from the nastiness we often see in politics and the media.  We might be more likely to come to a middle ground….a middle ground that would be good for the growth of individual persons and our country.

Katey and Cloudy

There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.  ~Winston Churchill

I know it seems like forever ago to us grown ups, but many people know Katey did not handle Jason’s deployment in 07/08 very well. Then shortly after he gets home, we announce that he is getting out of the AF and we will move again.  That was followed by a switch to home school and chaos ruling our lives for about 6 months.  And all during this, Katey was becoming more and more withdrawn….only wanted to watch TV or movies, didn’t want to go outside and play much, her eating habits changed, she had recurrent bad dreams, she wasn’t her usual frisky self, etc.  All of which were not my usual Katey but understandable under the circumstances.

Another thing that happened was Katey did not want to participate in any of her usual activities while Jason was deployed and that continued through out the move and up until recently.  She had decided that she wanted to try horseback riding. I agreed…whatever she was interested in that would get her back out there and feeling more independant.  THEN I checked on lesson prices!  GASP! I never knew horseback riding was THE MOST expensive activity in North America! I’m sure it’s not, but still.    Well, I had already agreed and it is the only thing she wanted to do…golf? No.  Swimming? No. Soccer? No. Tennis? No.  Crap.  But as parents you do what you need to do and Jason and I both felt that we needed to follow through on this for her.  So once we got to VA, I found the stable that offered the best deal for a week of camp.  And all the while, I was crossing my fingers that she would get close to the horses, realize how big they are, and decide it was not for her.  As you can see from the pictures below, no such luck!

The kids were able to decorate their horses for the show.

There is usually no sign of the dimples when Katey is concentrating on something.

I think she’s pretty proud of herself….and rightfully so!

Katey spent last week having an awesome time!  She learned SO much and has come home teaching all of us a thing or two about horses.  She fell off the horse playing a game on Monday, but she wasn’t hurt and climbed back on.  On Tuesday she got to ride a horse down to the creek so they could play. By Wednesday she was trotting, and Thursday was trotting with jumps.  Friday we were able to go to the stables for a show. It was awesome to see my Katey up on that big horse and she was actually controlling him. They gave out ribbons for the categories of the show and she even got a First Place!